So after a full weekend of Swan Lake-ing, I’ve got many reflections, lessons, and memories on the brain but I’ll come to reflecting on that here on the blog soon as the thoughts steady out a little bit. For now though, I’m embracing laying in my bed and finding some quiet time.
It’s so difficult for me— that whole thing called rest. To let time slow down and settle. Even as I sit here and write at 2:30pm, I’ve taught Pure Barre, run errands, been to the grocery store, organized and put things away from the show, done laundry, scheduled private lessons, emailed parents, planned tomorrow’s Pure Barre class, and the big one(everyone prepare themselves)– I’ve washed my hair! …..I. KNOW. I put actual shampooo in my hair, not just the dry stuff.
I run around non-stop and my brain goes non-stop. It’s always been a thing. It’s a guilt thing maybe?…. that I could be doing something productive so why just sit around? It’s normally after I’ve had so many crazy days in a row that I can look at myself and say, “Okay. Now you’re allowed. Binge watch hours of Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.” But one thing that I am so much better about these days is realizing that my time is important. My time is precious. And I don’t mean that in a cocky way. ALL of our time is important and precious. So understand what you’re putting in your day and WHY you put it there.
A couple of years ago, I would say yes to all of the things because it would appease someone else. That I felt that’s what they wanted from me. That that’s what made me valuable. I worked 80 hour weeks because if I didn’t, someone else would think I was lazy. Now I don’t care if anyone else thinks I’m lazy. I know I’m not. I know it’s about how I use my time, not how much time I use. Now I fill my time and work a lot because I take on things that I know will fill me up and push me to continue to realize my potential.
A lot of times my days start at 5:30am teaching Pure Barre and finish at 8:30pm at the ballet studio. I used to feel guilty about taking a 20 minute nap or going to lunch with a friend, for taking a couple minutes of me time to fill myself up. Now I do those things because I know they make me a better and more well rounded teacher as well as person. And I have to do those things in order to stay sane. As a teacher, I’m lucky that life experiences I experience become a valuable part of the lessons I teach in dance.
But while I continue to fill up my Emily Ley planner on the reg, I say no when “I like just, literally just can’t even” and I speak up (in what I think is a cool and collected manner because I don’t need to be defensive about what I do with my life) in order to maintain some sense of calm in the crazy. And if people want to know why I do things a certain way, they can ask me. That’s how we connect as individuals.
I know why I do things and today I know why I lay in my bed and catch up on the things. Why I let my teacher self go quiet for a little bit. Because I am truly & honestly inspired what my students did this weekend. Because what we as a studio team did this weekend was a huge undertaking. And tomorrow I’m going to unlock the doors of the studio with an understanding of what we are capable of for the future because I took some time to reflect and relax.
And honestly? I rest because I know my students need rest. I gave them the day off before I knew how much I needed the break. But they will come in tomorrow ready to go, and they deserve a teacher that can be ready to and continue to look at them and see their potential, see where they are at physiologically, psychologically, and emotionally on a daily basis, and help them to be self-aware and trust themselves as confident, beautiful, growing humans.
So today I rest for myself and for them. Because what we do reflects into our reality. And our reality needs people who are inspired by their lives, and I sure as Midge Maisel, am inspired by what I’ve put in mine.